Obama as Parent, Obama's Non-Verbal Communication
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Monday January 4, 2010
Today's Zinger:
Understanding Leadership Style Is Like Golf, Our Handicap Seems To Show Up In Every Game No Matter How Well We Play Along The Way.
The Morning Briefing:
Non-verbal communication. It’s not what you say that tells the world who you are. The way we speak, our body language, inflections of the voice, distance to the persons to whom we are speaking, gestures, eye contact all combine to let the other party know how we see ourselves in the relationship.
The parent/child relationship is a formal and well-understood relationship. How we interpret and conduct this relationship is telling. The way we parent our children is often a good analog for how we operate in other relationships. What kind of parent is President Obama and how does his parenting style play out in relationships that have far more significant consequences? What non-verbal messages does President Obama broadcast?
Zinger looks at how experts interpret non-verbal clues and how these clues affect relationships for the family and on the international stage.
Who Said It?
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
The Discussion:
Have you ever watched two dogs meet for the first time? They size each other up, they walk around each other and they smell each other. If one dog feels threatened they allow the dominant dog to stand over the threatened dog and the threatened dog becomes submissive by rolling over and showing his neck.
We teach our children to be friendly and open to meeting new young people. We extend our hand of friendship, we share our toys and we play well with others. The objective of course is to make the other party feel comfortable and know that we are no threat and want to be friends.
But as we get older, building relationships becomes more difficult. The situation dictates the approach when people first meet. There is an agenda for each to be played out based on the objective of the anticipated relationship. There is a complexity to striking the right tone. Teenagers struggle with the dynamics and it takes years of making mistakes and learning to understand this.
A businessman meeting a new client knows that the objective is to win friendship and trust as quickly as possible. The new customer knows the objective of the sales person is to win friendship as quickly as possible and over time gain trust in order to sell her products. Watch their stance, proximity to each other, hand shake, eye contact. Take these same two people at a cocktail party and having never met before, the objective is quite different. Each will extend their hand and attempt to build a friendly rapport, with no agenda beyond this. Their demeanor is different, their body language is different and the tone of the conversation is different. The handshake is looser, the eye contact not as direct and the stance more relaxed. One of the keys to successful sales people is called imaging and is seen when the salesperson’s gestures are being copied by the customer. Hand gestures are the most obvious. This is a sign of trust and is a good indicator a sale will occur.
According to experts, up to 93 % of communication is non-verbal. These non-verbal clues include tone of voice, eye movement, posture, hand gestures, facial expressions and more. The pressure of body language can especially be felt in emotional situations. Body language prevails over words.
Throughout my own career, I was fortunate to have received formal training from experts in verbal and non-verbal communication. Learning the nuances of human interaction was so valuable. Most importantly, I had an opportunity every day in different situations to try out my new skills, I will tell you they are impactful. There are so many little things that most of us never think of that signal that we are and how the relationship may play out.
President Obama’s speeches are masterful. His presence is strong and his words are thoughtful. He demonstrates a style that exudes that he is in charge. Ronald Reagan was equally gifted at speeches. He projected an affable nature with strength of conviction. I can imagine Ronald Reagan as a parent. He probably wanted to be friends to children but set clear boundaries with consequences. I see President Obama as a very different type of parent.
President Obama is certainly a teacher. I can see him instructing and creating "teachable moments" for his children. He probably comes off as “the parent” in charge, but when Sasha pushes for her late night or other indulgences, my bet is that President Obama will relent but then draw a new line in a parental tone. Unfortunately, I think that this line can be moved as well. It’s all about the appearance of being “the parent” and less about the consequences of parenting. President Obama wants to be their friend. (Do you get the feeling he is a pushover for his children? Somehow I think it is quite different for Michelle Obama. I believe she has real boundaries and consequences). Of course this occurs in a well-established social context of parent/child. But, what happens when President Obama meets world leader to world leader?
So much has been said about “The Bow”, President Obama’s meeting with the Saudi’s King and Japan’s Emperor. Many believe that it was inappropriate and set a relationship of submissiveness. Others see it as a conciliatory gesture to change the way the American relationship has been in the past. President Obama just denied he did it so as not to answer the question. In both instances, it's becoming increasingly apparent that our President would rather be accepted and befriended by his new friends abroad and change America's reputation and leadership. As noted earlier, every situation is different and the implications of non-verbal communication are different.
Can you imagine if President Obama greeted the President of Iran with a bow? If he did this, he might as well curtsy, because it would be interpreted the same way. Iran and North Korea see the relationship as threatening a superpower that they feel is a paper tiger. Saudi Arabia and Japan are well-understood relationships. A misstep in Japan and Saudi Arabia is of no major consequence. A misstep in North Korea or Iran will have consequences. But imagine a misstep with China or Russia.
Each of these countries is building their international presence and power base. The relationship with the United States is in transition. The United States is seen as a fading country to both of these powers and each is “smelling” President Obama out. The consequences are of the utmost significance.
Russia let President Obama know that they were very displeased with the U.S. decision to place missiles in Turkey. Ultimately President Obama backed away from the plan and established a new approach, all the while sounding “in charge”. This sounds a little like Sasha asking for the late night. A new boundary for Sasha, a parental tone and all the while wondering about consequences. Did Russia just dictate terms and President Obama bowed, followed by a strong speech to the American people?
President Obama traveled to China in November. Nothing much came out of the discussions except that the President did not meet with the Dalai Lama as a conciliatory note to the Chinese. Now, President Obama has scheduled a meeting of the Dalai Lama in Washington. The Chinese are protesting. Of more significance, the United States is scheduled to complete an arms transaction with Taiwan that includes Blackhawk helicopters and missile systems. China is in an uproar. China claims Taiwan as their territory, despite long standing disagreements as to the validity of the claim.
So now we have it. The President is to make a "world class decision" that has significant implications with the Chinese. The question is, will President Obama roll over and show his neck, only to come home and tell us that the meeting went well and there are new guidelines that we are going to follow in order to “continue to build our relationship"? The Chinese understand the dance and I believe they understand consequences. There will be no late night for President Obama. He will be told the rules and that’s that.
All of this speaks to the need for America to focus on its economy. The faster we rebuild our economy and pay down national debt, the better will be our meetings with Heads of State. A strong U.S. economy is the best defense system that we can build. Right now President Obama is more focused on his campaign agenda. I really don’t think he is demonstrating the understanding of the consequences of focusing on social programs at a time when world leadership and roles is in play.
Knowing that the U.S. free market system will ultimately correct itself means waiting. Our country needs the policies, regulations and incentives that will drive private business and growth in order for our economy to gain the strength that will provide the platform for improved relations.
We don’t need another speech where parent Obama sounds “in charge” and acts as leader. We need real results with consequences. Maybe he should send Michelle.
Who Said It?
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
George Bernard Shaw
Recent ZingerKing Articles:
Articlescan be found under “Recent Articles” in the purple sidebar. Olderarticles can be found in the archives that are stored by month. Theseare found at the bottom of the purple sidebar. Here is a list of themost recent articles.Click here to access the archives www.ZingerKing.com
Monday January 4, 2010
Today's Zinger:
Understanding Leadership Style Is Like Golf, Our Handicap Seems To Show Up In Every Game No Matter How Well We Play Along The Way.
The Morning Briefing:
Non-verbal communication. It’s not what you say that tells the world who you are. The way we speak, our body language, inflections of the voice, distance to the persons to whom we are speaking, gestures, eye contact all combine to let the other party know how we see ourselves in the relationship.
The parent/child relationship is a formal and well-understood relationship. How we interpret and conduct this relationship is telling. The way we parent our children is often a good analog for how we operate in other relationships. What kind of parent is President Obama and how does his parenting style play out in relationships that have far more significant consequences? What non-verbal messages does President Obama broadcast?
Zinger looks at how experts interpret non-verbal clues and how these clues affect relationships for the family and on the international stage.
Who Said It?
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
The Discussion:
Have you ever watched two dogs meet for the first time? They size each other up, they walk around each other and they smell each other. If one dog feels threatened they allow the dominant dog to stand over the threatened dog and the threatened dog becomes submissive by rolling over and showing his neck.
We teach our children to be friendly and open to meeting new young people. We extend our hand of friendship, we share our toys and we play well with others. The objective of course is to make the other party feel comfortable and know that we are no threat and want to be friends.
But as we get older, building relationships becomes more difficult. The situation dictates the approach when people first meet. There is an agenda for each to be played out based on the objective of the anticipated relationship. There is a complexity to striking the right tone. Teenagers struggle with the dynamics and it takes years of making mistakes and learning to understand this.
A businessman meeting a new client knows that the objective is to win friendship and trust as quickly as possible. The new customer knows the objective of the sales person is to win friendship as quickly as possible and over time gain trust in order to sell her products. Watch their stance, proximity to each other, hand shake, eye contact. Take these same two people at a cocktail party and having never met before, the objective is quite different. Each will extend their hand and attempt to build a friendly rapport, with no agenda beyond this. Their demeanor is different, their body language is different and the tone of the conversation is different. The handshake is looser, the eye contact not as direct and the stance more relaxed. One of the keys to successful sales people is called imaging and is seen when the salesperson’s gestures are being copied by the customer. Hand gestures are the most obvious. This is a sign of trust and is a good indicator a sale will occur.
According to experts, up to 93 % of communication is non-verbal. These non-verbal clues include tone of voice, eye movement, posture, hand gestures, facial expressions and more. The pressure of body language can especially be felt in emotional situations. Body language prevails over words.
Throughout my own career, I was fortunate to have received formal training from experts in verbal and non-verbal communication. Learning the nuances of human interaction was so valuable. Most importantly, I had an opportunity every day in different situations to try out my new skills, I will tell you they are impactful. There are so many little things that most of us never think of that signal that we are and how the relationship may play out.
President Obama’s speeches are masterful. His presence is strong and his words are thoughtful. He demonstrates a style that exudes that he is in charge. Ronald Reagan was equally gifted at speeches. He projected an affable nature with strength of conviction. I can imagine Ronald Reagan as a parent. He probably wanted to be friends to children but set clear boundaries with consequences. I see President Obama as a very different type of parent.
President Obama is certainly a teacher. I can see him instructing and creating "teachable moments" for his children. He probably comes off as “the parent” in charge, but when Sasha pushes for her late night or other indulgences, my bet is that President Obama will relent but then draw a new line in a parental tone. Unfortunately, I think that this line can be moved as well. It’s all about the appearance of being “the parent” and less about the consequences of parenting. President Obama wants to be their friend. (Do you get the feeling he is a pushover for his children? Somehow I think it is quite different for Michelle Obama. I believe she has real boundaries and consequences). Of course this occurs in a well-established social context of parent/child. But, what happens when President Obama meets world leader to world leader?
So much has been said about “The Bow”, President Obama’s meeting with the Saudi’s King and Japan’s Emperor. Many believe that it was inappropriate and set a relationship of submissiveness. Others see it as a conciliatory gesture to change the way the American relationship has been in the past. President Obama just denied he did it so as not to answer the question. In both instances, it's becoming increasingly apparent that our President would rather be accepted and befriended by his new friends abroad and change America's reputation and leadership. As noted earlier, every situation is different and the implications of non-verbal communication are different.
Can you imagine if President Obama greeted the President of Iran with a bow? If he did this, he might as well curtsy, because it would be interpreted the same way. Iran and North Korea see the relationship as threatening a superpower that they feel is a paper tiger. Saudi Arabia and Japan are well-understood relationships. A misstep in Japan and Saudi Arabia is of no major consequence. A misstep in North Korea or Iran will have consequences. But imagine a misstep with China or Russia.
Each of these countries is building their international presence and power base. The relationship with the United States is in transition. The United States is seen as a fading country to both of these powers and each is “smelling” President Obama out. The consequences are of the utmost significance.
Russia let President Obama know that they were very displeased with the U.S. decision to place missiles in Turkey. Ultimately President Obama backed away from the plan and established a new approach, all the while sounding “in charge”. This sounds a little like Sasha asking for the late night. A new boundary for Sasha, a parental tone and all the while wondering about consequences. Did Russia just dictate terms and President Obama bowed, followed by a strong speech to the American people?
President Obama traveled to China in November. Nothing much came out of the discussions except that the President did not meet with the Dalai Lama as a conciliatory note to the Chinese. Now, President Obama has scheduled a meeting of the Dalai Lama in Washington. The Chinese are protesting. Of more significance, the United States is scheduled to complete an arms transaction with Taiwan that includes Blackhawk helicopters and missile systems. China is in an uproar. China claims Taiwan as their territory, despite long standing disagreements as to the validity of the claim.
So now we have it. The President is to make a "world class decision" that has significant implications with the Chinese. The question is, will President Obama roll over and show his neck, only to come home and tell us that the meeting went well and there are new guidelines that we are going to follow in order to “continue to build our relationship"? The Chinese understand the dance and I believe they understand consequences. There will be no late night for President Obama. He will be told the rules and that’s that.
All of this speaks to the need for America to focus on its economy. The faster we rebuild our economy and pay down national debt, the better will be our meetings with Heads of State. A strong U.S. economy is the best defense system that we can build. Right now President Obama is more focused on his campaign agenda. I really don’t think he is demonstrating the understanding of the consequences of focusing on social programs at a time when world leadership and roles is in play.
Knowing that the U.S. free market system will ultimately correct itself means waiting. Our country needs the policies, regulations and incentives that will drive private business and growth in order for our economy to gain the strength that will provide the platform for improved relations.
We don’t need another speech where parent Obama sounds “in charge” and acts as leader. We need real results with consequences. Maybe he should send Michelle.
Who Said It?
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
George Bernard Shaw
Today's ZingerToon:
Articlescan be found under “Recent Articles” in the purple sidebar. Olderarticles can be found in the archives that are stored by month. Theseare found at the bottom of the purple sidebar. Here is a list of themost recent articles.Click here to access the archives www.ZingerKing.com
Posted by ZK at 1/4/2010 9:11 AM 
Categories: Obama Administration, Leadership
Tags: Parenting Leadership
Categories: Obama Administration, Leadership
Tags: Parenting Leadership
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